English at a lake - very few folk who came to fish look for a good PLACE to fish from, they’re looking for a good SPOT!
English at a track meet - They don’t run in GROUPS, They run in HEETS!
English at the airport - You’ll find both WALKWAYS and RUNWAYS at an airport. I’ve seen people run in the middle of the WALKWAYS but rare is the day when you’ll see anybody walking in the middle of the RUNWAYS.
English at a dog show - The smartest dog present probably doesn’t know what FOLLOW ME means.
A farmer’s English - SUOOIEEE!
Common Horse sense English - Do you mount from the GEE side or the HAW side of the horse?
Out to pasture English - A BULL is not a MALE COW!
English spoken to a baby or a puppy - Is usually slurred clear into the next octave.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep coaxing my treadmill powered scooter uphill!

Paraphrased The New International Version by Grandpa John

If you qualify to speak to our Lord, speak through your pleasant voice.
The Lord will gladly give you the floor if you’ve made an effort to walk in his sandals.
Your thoughts will be like music to his ears, yea like Mennonite four part harmony.
When you do speak, speak precisely with a thundering rhythmic delivery.

His sandals will not mislead you but carry you to the very breath of righteousness,
Even in the sands of time they will never lose their shine!
Our Lord waits lovingly while we hurriedly scatter the sands inside His faded footprints.
The whole universe shutters in excited anticipation when we’re focused on His never ending love.

Through His very presence were the heavens assembled,
And in one breath the stars all tumbled into space.
He gathered piles of water and assigned them to the seas.
It would be well for us all to respect the Lord Almighty’s presence!
Evidence of His handiwork stretches to infinity in every direction.

At his bidding nothing turned into something and remains that something to this day.
Our Lord’s plans pale the efforts of all other powers.
Folks who forge ahead alone will be denied an anchor, they will sway with shifting sands.
But when we allow our Lord to walk into our life, sandal prints will forever be sculptured into our path.
An exhibit of greater love doesn‘t exist anywhere.

Thank your lucky star that you were a chosen object of His marvelous creation.
That with outstretched hand you are free to reach for His graciousness,
There is no hiding place for mankind, all cover is transparent to our Lord.
He is watching us continually,
How much love is in our heart, the main purpose of his gift to us.
He is monitoring the fluctuating flow of love being metered non-stop.
No power will win by it’s own force,
No crafty human scheme will attain true success outside the sandal’s footprint.
A dog team can run in snow but,
No matter how rigorous their training, His sun controls their destiny.
You can depend on it, His sandals clearly walk the righteous path to guide those of us
Who are willing to scatter the same sands in our life’s journey.

We tremble in His greatness, forever searching the sands of time for our path
His step easily avoids tangles, briars and thorny reaches welcoming travelers.
A feeling of peace explodes within when we follow the path of the sandals.
I invite you to shuffle your feet in my sands while I’m pulling on my boots!

When you have time read Psalms 33 in the NIV and compare.

Effective immediately!
Maps will no longer have a top.
Compass needles will just keep spinning like a drain hole in bathwater.
The little black and the little white Scotties can continue playing, nothing changes.
We will prepare immediately for twice as much South
All North and South roads will now be referred to as perpendicular roads.
The pole will stay, it has finally attained historical significance.
The star will be stored in a jar and the colorful lights will be called ‘skylights’
Cold winter winds will be expected to make a drastic turnaround.
Migrating birds can’t come back, except the hummers, they can fly backwards.
We will look for each, Carolina and Dakota to be engaged in a territorial dispute
Any voice thrown into the canyon off a Southern cliff will no longer echo.
A left handed person will be referred to as a paw
Because of the enormous transition, Southern cooking will need an extensive makeover
Wait!
Help me quickly hit ‘undo’ if what you really said was “Sports Break Time has expired“ instead of “North Breaks, Time Has Expired!”
Meanwhile, I’ll keep coaxing my treadmill powered scooter uphill!

What depth can we expect to chart in the conversion line?
You know -
Where the bottom half ends and the top half begins
Where the right side gives possession to the left side
The conversion line’s powers know no limits
It firmly dictates how far we can travel into the woods, we cross the half way conversion line and suddenly we’re no longer going into the woods, but we are definitely on our way out.
Can we use it to define where a half truth begins to stumble, or
Can we use it to guide us so we don’t keep nibbling on the raw side of a half baked idea?
When it’s located precisely between the front end and rear end of your car, are you half way home?
If it would be visible, one would surely know if your glass was half full or half empty.
Or not?
Meanwhile, I’ll keep coaxing my treadmill powered scooter uphill!

You can most likely sneak up on an exaggeration through an emotionally inflated reaction, they often lead one directly to an exaggeration! Most exaggerations are ballooned up so they’re easy to spot. When you find one in hiding, hunker down to it’s level so you don’t frighten it away. Reach out as though you’re going to shake hands, then grab it and toss it into your gunny bag! Store it in a cool dark place.
Meanwhile, I’m going to keep coaxing my treadmill powered scooter uphill!